Learning to manage your emotions: top 5 main rules and tips

15 November 2021

Anger, anger, sadness, fear, shame... Quite often, emotions, or rather the inability to control them, interfere with us not only in everyday life, but also, worst of all, in business, working with our team and achieving success. Nuria Arkhipova, a business coach, entrepreneur, human resource management expert and director of strategic development for several brands of outsourcing companies, offers her own ways to take control of emotions so that they do not interfere with everyday life.

Nuria Arkhipova, business coach, entrepreneur

Emotions are what helps a person in understanding the world. All feelings give us a sense of life. We understand, if we feel, then we are alive. But sometimes, emotions can do us a disservice. If you give in too much, you can lose a lot. It is the possession of oneself and one's emotions that will help any person avoid mistakes. I propose to consider a few simple ways to make emotions live by your rules. In order to curb your emotions, you need to introduce several attitudes into your life.  

Installation No. 1. 

A person who feels strongly is not able to think well. And vice versa. A person who thinks strongly is not able to feel well.  

Learning to manage our emotions

Remember your school years. Surely there were so-called "nerd" and "bully" in the class. The nerd student is usually very greedy for knowledge, but stingy with emotions. It is much more interesting for him not to run at breaks, but to read, for example, a book or prepare for the next lesson. But the bully in the class, as a rule, was far from studying. At the same time, he reacted very sharply to any barbs in his direction. Both students have their pros and cons. However, the most negative situation is around the bully. The reputation is not the best. Relationships all around. And if such a child does not learn to control his emotions, he can make a lot of mistakes. The conclusion is this: if you are easily pissed off, then you can be controlled.

A person in an emotional state is not able to soberly assess the situation. Allowing anger, anger, sadness, sadness into your life, you can easily deprive yourself of your mind. By the way, the same applies to super-positive feelings: love, passion. You involuntarily remember: "Hot heart, cold mind."

Installation number 2. 

It is easier to manage emotions when you understand the reason for their occurrence.
It is worth looking inside yourself more often in order to realize the consequences.

Frankly, most often the fires are in ourselves. Again, based on personal experience. There was a situation a long time ago, I angrily ran into an employee who did not complete the task either on time or as required. Simply put, I saw the result of the task in a different way. After a short period of time, the situation repeated itself, but with another employee. I had every chance to pass for an evil boss and possibly lose the trust of the team. Left alone, I sorted out the situation “on the shelves” for myself. And found the following thread:

  • The employee did not complete the task because he did not understand.
  • I didn’t understand, because I didn’t formulate the task completely (+ I didn’t explain the purpose of the task).
  • I didn't form the task because... I don't know why. Apparently she relied on "higher powers" or something else.
  • As a result, having found an explanation that the employee was stupid, I dared to raise my voice at him, although in fact it was obvious that I was angry primarily with myself. 

Since then, I have been guided by the following law: “THE TEAM LOSS IS TO BE BLAMED ON ITS LEADER. THE WHOLE TEAM WINS!".  

Installation No. 3. 

It is necessary to eliminate the causes due to which acute emotions arise.

Learning to manage our emotions

In other words, try to avoid any stressful situations.
Of course, this is beyond the power of most people, because we do not live in Tibet, where peace reigns around. Many times in my life there were situations when some people made me irritated or even angry. Here, for me, an important aspect in accepting the future fate of a person was the following: do I need this person in my environment or not. If not needed, I stopped any contact with him. If subordinate employees, simply dismissed. Do not rush to throw stones at me with indignation, as the manager dismisses me just because he is annoyed. First, I am an objective manager. And if an employee annoys me, it is only for reasons that do not correspond to the professional level. In any case, there are two options, either eliminate the cause, or learn how to manage it.

Installation number 4. 

Awareness of how a person looks at the moment of emotion.

Learning to manage our emotions

I always recommend practicing facial expressions with a mirror.
Working with a video camera is more of a plus. Based on the results of independent work, you can conduct a detailed analysis. Very often, people simply do not appreciate how they look in a given situation. I recommend working out facial expressions in several basic states: joy, anger, sadness. A very important state is “doing nothing”. This is the moment when suppose you are thinking hard about something. I have repeatedly noticed behind people how they diligently lick their lips with their tongues, almost reaching their noses. Or I watched a picture of how they gnaw pens, fingers, nails. Which in itself is a state uncontrollable by them. And the surrounding people are disgusted. In the business world, this can play a cruel joke.

For example, you may not pass an interview if the HR manager finds the person inadequate or “strange”.

Installation number 5. 

Reputation is always one step ahead.

Learning to manage our emotions

My deep conviction, reputation is important for every person. It is important to understand that a positive reputation is built brick by brick. And it collapses in an instant. At the same time, a reputation with a negative value is assigned to a person for a long time. Only a strong person is able to withstand the oppression of society and defend changes in himself. Therefore, the attitude to reputation should be careful. I think, for sure, everyone will have stories of acquaintances: he was a successful person, a family man, then he “drunk down”. Unfortunately, no one wants to do business with such a person. Although they sincerely feel sorry for him. And even if he gives up the addiction, there will be no trust in him for a long time.  

Summing up, I would like to note that emotions and feelings distinguish us from the "inanimate". We feel, feel the world, and it's wonderful. The main thing is that these states do not interfere with us in our adult life. I suggest that you do not eliminate emotions, but only control and manage them.

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